There are people who, in an unusual situation for themselves, begin to blush, worry, and have difficulty speaking. For such individuals, the question of how to stop being shy is most acute. It is extremely difficult for shy people to stay in the center of everyone’s attention, make new acquaintances, and communicate with unfamiliar people.
In addition, modest people are very difficult to adapt to a new place, and the occurrence of an unfamiliar situation may well cause them to panic.
What is shyness?
Shyness is a powerful feeling that occurs in a person in the process of communicating with other people, a kind of fear of this communication. A shy person is afraid to establish contact, afraid of hostility, afraid of losing the respect of others and self-respect.
The mental discomfort that occurs, in this case, is probably the most frequent variant of such disorders. The problem of shyness has always been relevant. But in recent decades the world has literally been gripped by an epidemic of shyness and embarrassment.
Why does shyness occur?
The reasons for this are fairly clear. With the advent of modern means of communication, live communication between people takes a back seat. More and more contacts are made by telephone conversations or written speech, and the first case is much more harmless than the second.
Correspondence, any type of messaging does not force a person to adapt to certain social norms, and contacts, in fact, are not limited to anything. The habit of communicating by correspondence leads to the fact that during personal contact. A person begins to experience discomfort caused by an unusual situation. For the most part, this is why shyness is now so widespread.
Of course, we can not exclude other mechanisms and causes of this feeling: personality and upbringing characteristics, contact conditions, etc. Shyness is a manifestation of a protective mechanism, it “protects” the psyche from the prospect of experiencing unpleasant emotions. At the same time, shyness itself is exactly the same “unpleasant emotion”.
What kind of shyness is there?
As you know, shyness can occur as a result of personal characteristics, the specifics of education, or the habit of” blind ” communication by correspondence or calls.
Depending on the nature of shyness, its characteristics change somewhat. For example, shyness associated with the upbringing of a person, with the timely start of a correction, is simply treated. It is easier for a person to get rid of the shyness of an “unusual situation” than with the help of a specialist. But this process is long and complex.
According to the same principle, temporary and permanent shyness are distinguished. Temporary shyness can characterize an age period (usually puberty) or a specific situation.
Traditionally, shyness is divided into two more types:
- Inward-facing (self-consciousness);
- Outward-facing (shyness in front of others).
It is difficult to judge how legitimate this division is. In a sense, both types of shyness are always outward-facing, and only the mechanism of their manifestation differs.
Reasons for shyness
Unfortunately, you will not be able to relax and stop being shy at the click of your fingers. Imagine how easy it would be to wave your hand and become a confident person! But then there would be no need for my profession as a psychologist, but maybe it’s for the best…
What are the reasons for constant shyness and self-doubt?
A little man is born and he does not complain of uncertainty, shyness. Remember small children-they go where they don’t ask, they say that sometimes they don’t need to, they do the incomprehensible. But this does not bother them in any way. So what happens during life and growing up?
- Parental ” buzzing” and constant complaints to the child in early childhood. This really destroys the child’s flexible psyche, self-perception is disrupted, and then such an adult is constantly shy and suffers from self-doubt.
Mom and dad are emotionally distant from the child. This leaves a mark on his life. He constantly wants to win love, tries to please everyone, and this is a sure road to betrayal and disappointment. And such experiences lead to uncertainty and embarrassment.
Heredity. If a child is brought up in a family with an insecure mother and father. He sees no other example of behavior.
Shyness occurs when the emotional intelligence of sensitive individuals is low. If a person does not know how to express what he feels. Does not know what emotions he feels, and does not know how to restrain them, he will either be aggressive and arrogant, or shy and insecure.
There is no communication with children at an early age. In other words, such a person does not know how to communicate with people. So he is shy when everyone pays attention to him.
Effective tips for teaching a child How to stop being shy
- Modesty, shyness, and indecision are frequent companions on the way to adulthood, and therefore it is important from the first years of life not to restrict the baby in communication, it is important to introduce him to the adult world as early as possible (walking, kindergarten, trips to work with parents, etc.).
- Be sure to take into account the experiences and emotions in the baby’s soul, do not force him to certain actions, run towards a stranger, say Hello or kiss. It is necessary to understand why the child is afraid of people, why it shows shyness, and what reasons were the impetus for this behavior.
- Children most like cartoons and fairy tales, so why not use this favorite activity in order to convey the basic tenets: how to teach a child not to be shy of strangers, to feel comfortable in any life situation.
- Parents should help the child overcome the fear of contact with children on playgrounds, teach the child to get acquainted, to contact new people while observing the permissible measure.
You can not ignore the various factors that can lead to shyness and uncertainty of the child, this is a hereditary factor, physical disabilities, pressure from educators and teachers.
Shyness in adult life – How to stop being shy and -educate yourself?
If shyness accompanies in adult life, then you need to consider the previous origins and begin to eliminate the causes of this condition. What to do in this case – how to overcome embarrassment:
- to stop blushing and being shy when meeting strangers. You need to expand your circle of communication, take initiative, and understand why You are so uncomfortable in a particular situation;
- if modesty is associated with dissatisfaction with your appearance. Then you need to correct it, if possible, or to accept and reconsider your views on this “problem” (high/low growth, large/small ears, eyes, mouth, etc.), try to find a highlight in this and not be shy of yourself in the reflection of the mirror;
- become a professional in your business, stop noticing failures. Focus more on positive events, encourage yourself for new steps on the way to get rid of shyness and uncertainty;
- overcome embarrassment and awkwardness can be humor, fascinating stories, interesting facts, enough to sit on the sidelines and watch what is happening, now you can surprise the audience;
- if your attempts to communicate a person interrupts speech, does not know how to listen, does not perceive someone else’s opinion, then do not write it off as your own failure, look for new acquaintances, common interests, do not translate all the failures to your account.
To stop being shy and become more sociable. You need to train your confidence, learn to clearly greet friends and strangers, start a casual conversation, when buying a certain thing, it is important to ask the seller’s opinion, ask questions, and be active. Thus, you can easily remove shyness and shyness, become more confident and sociable.
How to stop being shy, withdrawn and insecure: General advice from a psychologist
But not everything is so bad, you can liberate yourself and stop being shy on your own. It is important to have the desire to change your behavior and your life. First, you need to understand yourself – this is the first advice of all psychologists who can help you in any way.
- Identify when you are most embarrassed, blushing, and insecure. If you write down your answers, it will be even better. This will help you analyze and find a solution to stop being afraid of people and shy…
Think about how you look when you’re not shy. This is a kind of affirmation that will help you overcome your problem.
Identify the main complaints about yourself and try to replace them in a positive way.
Try to joke and take everything that happens in life with humor. Let it be the most disastrous performance in front of the audience, even if you did not impress your boyfriend or girlfriend is something, but this is not a reason to fire yourself.
Take a few practical tips from a psychologist, by the way, very effective in overcoming shyness.
10 methods have been identified to help you get rid of excessive shyness
Before you start solving a problem, you need to analyze it. Take a piece of paper and a pen, and then think about what situations make you feel shy and embarrassed. Specify specific situations, for example, if you are experiencing difficulties in communicating with people, then indicate which ones.
Fix your strengths
Another list that will help you deal with the problem of shyness is a list of your positive qualities. Usually, the main cause of embarrassment is low self-esteem. Start fighting this by constantly reminding yourself of the significance and positive aspects.
To define the purpose
In order for the fight to be more effective, and you begin to liberate yourself, you should indicate exactly what your constraint is preventing you from doing. Of course, people with good self-esteem in life everything is much easier, but you need to specify the problem. For example, indicate that you are too shy to meet the opposite sex.
Try to reprogram yourself in certain situations. If at a party you want to hide in the most secluded corner, then you need to do the opposite, going to the epicenter of events.
Also feel free to chat with strangers. This will give you confidence in yourself, and knowing that you will not see this person again makes the task even easier. Active communication also applies to your friends, with whom you should spend more time talking.
Focus on others
The problem with people who are constantly shy is thinking only about themselves. They believe that others are constantly thinking about their appearance, behavior, and so on. Do not blush and fixate on yourself if you are in a society, but rather try to switch your attention to another person, do not hesitate to start a dialogue with them.
Try new things
In order to get what you want, sometimes you need to get out of your comfort zone. Try something new, for example, sign up for a drawing class. This will significantly diversify your life and affect your self-esteem.
Watch your body language
When you start talking to a person, don’t forget about your body language. During a conversation, the main role is played not by words. But by your posture, facial expressions, smile, and the position of your hands. In addition, without being clamped, your brain begins to perceive what is happening in a different way and you automatically become a more open interlocutor.
Say “no” less often»
Shy people just need to stop saying no. After all, such a reaction usually occurs to something unknown, even if the person is interested in something deep down. If you have decided to overcome your shyness, then learn to say ” Yes ” to new opportunities in your life.
Manage the alarm
When faced with embarrassment, everyone begins to respond to it in different ways. Someone actively stutters the other is sweating or blushing. It is impossible to cope with such a problem at the click of a finger, but everyone can overcome it over time. First, try a breathing technique that will help you calm down.
How do I become more sociable?
If you do not remove the constraint, it will be difficult to show your communicative abilities. A blushing person feels awkward in an unfamiliar environment, and even in a circle with relatives and friends can experience discomfort.
Such a problem as shyness should be solved from an early age, it is important to stop being embarrassed, and spend more time on your self-development and knowledge of the world. And to do this, it is important to adhere to the following postulates that will help you be less shy and more active:
- a healthy body (in good shape) – a healthy spirit;
- rich vocabulary;
- beautiful speech;
- correct facial expressions;
- eye contact;
- respect for the opponent;
- positive smile;
- ability to listen and hear.
You need to learn to be interesting, to overcome the manifestation of shyness, to be eloquent and witty, to surprise and amuse the audience. The main thing is not to overdo it, it is important to become a pleasant and patient companion.
How do I start a conversation?
To stop blushing and feeling awkward, you can start a conversation about nothing, and then talk about more serious topics. The excuse maybe the weather, as a transition to something interesting and exciting.
If You are surprised by the decoration of the satellite, hair, and clothes, don’t keep it to yourself, make a compliment, give a smile and conversation will be pleasant and friendly and shyness “go away”.
At first, when communicating with a stranger, you should not touch the topic of personal life, let the person himself will meet You halfway.
To become more sociable and get rid of the harassment, it is useful to attend various events, go to parties, invite friends and acquaintances, spend more time away from home, and in the company of those people who are cozy and comfortable in any weather.
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Shyness and lack of confidence one way or another appear from a lack of communication. Someone is afraid of spontaneity, so they are silent, someone did not get emotional communication in childhood, so they suffer from shyness and uncertainty in adulthood. This is why it is important to learn to communicate. An excellent development program will help you do this.