How to develop self-control? How to pull yourself together? Do you feel that a lack of self-control, willpower, and discipline prevents you from achieving your goals? And you feel that you can not handle your anger or anxiety? Do you find it difficult to control your emotions, thoughts, and impulses? Would you like to learn to control yourself better? Or maybe you would like a loved one to develop self-control? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be interested in this article. Psychologycognifit Rocio García Tribaldo will explain to you what self-control is and how to improve it. And will offer you to master various techniques of self-control.
What is self-control?
Self-control is the ability to control emotions, impulses, and behaviors that help us achieve our goals. Self-control is necessary to carry out most of our daily activities, such as at work, school, in personal relationships, etc.
It can be compared with a thermostat in that it helps us to stay balanced, consistent, and keep calm, both externally and internally. A good level of self-control allows us to control the impulses and desires that keep us from achieving our cherished goals. For example, if you have an exam, you need to stay at home and prepare for it. To do this, you need to resist the call of your friends and contain the urge to walk with them. Another example – if you “Overflow” and want to tell your boss everything you think about him. However, in this situation, you need to control yourself to keep your job.
The importance of self-control
It has been proved that people with a high level of self-control succeed much better in life. This may be due to the fact that emotions greatly influence the decision-making process, our behavior, and impulses, and, ultimately, our life.
If we want something, we want to receive it immediately, here and now, and when we do not succeed, we experience stress and irritation, which prevents us from managing negative emotions or controlling anger.
Self-control is a difficult skill. To develop self-control, you need to have certain abilities, such as being able to identify and understand your emotions, in order to then learn to control them and regulate your behavior. This will help you become the master of your decisions, behaviors and impulses. In addition, you need to be able to do this in a state of stress caused by these negative emotions or thoughts, which is much more difficult. Find out, what impulsivity is and how to deal with it.
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The difference between displacement and self-control
It is important to understand that self-control and repression (or suppression, repression) are not the same, the two concepts are often confused. Self-control involves awareness and understanding of emotions, as well as the ability to manage and control them. Conversely, when we talk about repression, we are talking about trying to hide emotions, not giving them meaning, waiting for them to disappear as if by magic, which probably will not happen.
To clarify what we are talking about, let’s take an example. You feel a strong anger and a desire to hit everything that comes to your hand (the result of stress and tension), but at the moment, due to the circumstances, you can not do this and need to control yourself.
In addition, two options are possible:
- Self-control strategy: be aware of what is happening to you, accept it and try to create the opposite emotion, for example, with the help of some kind of calm memories, or simply to be distracted by something that can reduce your tension, the intensity of experiences and thereby improve self-control.
- Driving strategy: clench your fists, do not understand your emotions, and think all the time about how you will hit the table until it collapses.
- True, the two strategies differ, as well as their consequences. Therefore, in this article, we want to show you not only how not to track your impulsive impulses, but also how to properly manage them.
If we are overwhelmed by anger, anger and rage that we can not control (lack of self-control), these emotions take over our behavior and thoughts, we become irritable and, as a result, it is more difficult for us to achieve our goals.
Conversely, if we can “channel” and control that emotion that we feel at some point, our mood will change and it will become easier to achieve what we want.
Here are some basic steps to help you develop and improve your self-control. It is not so easy and it is hardly possible in one day. You will need to show dedication, patience and effort, so be patient to work on yourself.
Understanding emotions are the key to self-control
As we mentioned earlier, understanding and managing emotions and thoughts are essential to controlling our impulsive impulses.
The problem is that often we do not even realize how important it is to control ourselves and allow thoughts and emotions to control our behavior, which therefore alienates us from realizing what we want. Do not forget that emotions also affect the quality of decisions made, which certainly affects our lives.
That is why it is so important to be aware of it – this is the first step on the path to self-control. Emotions can be divided into two types – primary and secondary.
- Primary emotions are universal (joy, fear, anger, sadness, disgust, surprise), most people are able to recognize them without problems from the fact that we know their meaning and physical manifestation. For example, when we are in a good mood, and are happy, we strive to go somewhere, do something, gain some kind of positive experience. And on the contrary, in a bad mood, our body “turns off” and we do not want anything.
- Secondary emotions are much more difficult to recognize because they are a combination of different primary emotions, their expression is not as obvious and clear as in the case of primary emotions.
Try to study what emotions are, what influence they have on people’s thoughts and behavior, how they are expressed physically and in what elements they are made up.
Next, we’ll look at some techniques to help you recognize your emotions.
Once you master this, you will be able to understand at any time what is happening to you and how you need to act in a given situation. You will learn to control yourself. You will be able to reduce the intensity of hard-to-control emotions and regulate the negative physiological consequences of certain emotions, such as anxiety. Let’s give an example. Anxiety arises from a combination of fear and guilt. If we understand that we feel anxious, we can identify the thoughts that make us afraid, guilty, or ashamed and start working with those thoughts, also changing our behavior. Thus, instead of giving up without trying to manage the situation, you can reduce this negative emotion and successfully solve the problem.
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Self-control Techniques: learn to control your emotions
How to develop, develop, and improve self-control? How to learn to control yourself, to control yourself? And How to manage his emotions? Let’s look at several ways and techniques to improve self-control.
Identify the emotions you experience
To do this, you can use a technique that I call “emotional person”. It is as follows: as soon as you find yourself in a situation that evokes in the emotions that are difficult to control. Try to answer the following questions for yourself:
- What is the name of the emotion I am currently experiencing?
- How do I feel and feel physical?
- What thoughts did this emotional trigger?
- How did I handle the situation?
You can write down each of these emotions in a notebook and answer questions about it. It will help you better understand yourself. In addition, you will always have the opportunity to read this information if necessary.
You can also search the Internet for information about other emotions and study them. But pay attention to the source of this data. Such work will help you move to the next stage.
Understand your emotions
There is a technique for this that I call “discovering the secret”. It should always be carried out only after using the previous technique “personal Emotionarium”.
Here you also need to answer in writing a number of questions related to emotions that you have difficulty controlling:
- Make a list of situations that could or could trigger the emotion in you. And try to identify what exactly triggers the emotional response.
- Try to identify the function of this emotion, that is, why and why, for what purpose it arises.
- Think, think about the experience, try to accept it and understand it.
Adjust the emotions you feel
This is the last step to help you develop and improve your self-control. The main challenge here is to try to understand exactly how you can reduce the number of negative experiences and symptoms of a negative emotional state. Try to find something that will help you manage your emotions and regulate your behavior. It’s a hard job, but it’s worth it. Here are some ways to manage too intense emotions:
- If you find it difficult to replace negative thoughts and emotions caused by certain circumstances with positive thoughts. Try to take a break, take a break. This will help you reduce your stress level. For example, you can go out for a short time or leave the premises for a few minutes until you are ready to cope with the situation.
- Check yourself. Each experience is a great opportunity to learn to control yourself and increase self-control. Try to understand what is happening in you and around you in different life situations and analyze the result. Depending on how you acted. To do this, you can note what circumstance caused this or that emotion. What you thought at that moment, and what you did. This will help you to realize and eliminate in the future inappropriate reactions and behavior. Develop an alternative response to such a situation.
- Finally, patience is very important. You need to clearly understand that the task of mastering the technique of self-control is not easy. Therefore, it is not necessary to despair in case of an unsuccessful attempt.
The application of these techniques will help you develop self-control and become calmer, more balanced, and happier. Remember that your happiness depends on your perception of reality and that it is really in your hands.