One article drew my attention to bullying in school (or, as it is fashionable now to say, bullying in school , because of bullying in English), which caused muddy sobs in comments, communication with a therapist and reasoning about a spherical horse in a vacuum. As a well-known couch analyst, I decided to throw out my 5 kopecks.
Bullying at school-why and how a child is bullied
- Any school is a model of social relations without a mixture of civilizational ethics. The motivating reasons for bullying the child are not important.
- Anyone who gets into such an environment is faced with the fact that the environment tests you for lice. This happens in school, in the summer camp, in the army, at work, in a team of professionals, and rightly so.
- The history of mankind has more than several hundred thousand years and this is the history of the development of the only skill-survival. All other skills have emerged recently and more than 99% of them are directly or indirectly related to survival.
- The chances of survival are higher for the group, so everyone must meet the standards. Any beginner should be tested against the norm.
- The standard does not mean ” to be like everyone else.” Standard means the ability to protect your identity. If he is capable, then everyone recognizes and respects. If not capable-suffered.
- The hiring process itself and the first 100 days have the same role model, only there it is called the adaptation period, but let’s look at things realistically. Society creates the conditions for you not to be for, but for – to maximally oust yourself. Does not fit? No one will poison – they will simply be thrown into the street. So let the children get used to it.
- Parents may not like this, but reality does not care what parents like. Therefore, when a child is faced with bullying in school, it first begins with provocations, and everyone watches the reaction. Bullying of a child will increase if he has a reaction of fear, resentment, i.e. the person turns into a victim because bullying is a spectacle.
- The show will not continue in two ways-if the object ignores, i.e. it does not have an expected reaction from the victim, or if bullying becomes very expensive, for example, a crushed stool against the head or a broken nose, or, for example, a broken finger. In addition, a fracture of the facial bone works well after several blows of the designated face against the wall.
- Thus, going to a therapist is the worst thing a parent can do. The best thing to do is to explain to the child that he needs to fight and teach him to overcome his fear/feeling of inferiority.
- How can you overcome feelings of fear, inferiority, helplessness, an impostor complex? Any coach, especially in contact sports, can easily answer this simple question. The answer is simple – the eyes are afraid, but the hands do.
How it happens
It usually happens like this. The child does nothing, he has no change. But, if the child begins to do, then through small victories the oppressed personality turns into a leader. Examples are the sea. The psychological trick here is a comment when a child has a reason to do something despite fear. By the way, fear used to resist – works very well.
Why is it important? Because in 99% of critical life situations, the reason for overcoming them is the prospect of getting something terrible. As they say – a candle under the ass works better than a torch on the head.
A good coach has a quality that parents do not have: a cold head that comes from pragmatism. The coach is interested in what the child in question is doing well because it affects his well-being. A child is somehow a growth tool for the coach.
Therefore, the coach acts in cold blood. In addition, the trainer has extensive experience in transferring students to a resource State, which parents do not have. And finally, he has no prophet in his own country. The coach is not the one to complain to.
The most effective is to keep the child busy with two types of activities: creative and physical. From physical arts, only martial arts and necessarily competitions, it is ideal to combine judo and contact karate.
The problem is that we tend to avoid hurting our children, unconsciously protecting them from situations that we believe will traumatize them. It has nothing to do with children. This is our fear and stupidity, because we do not bother to think – what will happen next.
And then your child will cross the threshold of the house and go to school, to the sports section, begin to prepare for the competition, admission to the University, etc. what will he face? With total ruthless and fierce competition.